fed up

Three years ago I married my husband, Chris, and I promised him for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health. I kept my promise, He slapped me while I was pregnant with our daughter (worse) we had a beautiful child together (better) I worked 80 hours to provide everything we wanted, compared to his normal monday thru friday schedule 5-630 and 9-430, (richer) I quit my job and stayed at home b/c it was to much for him (poorer) I took him chicken soup and pills and when my daughter took his sleeping pills, I rushed her to the ER because he didn't wanna get off the couch,(sickness) and I would take care of our child while he played video games all day (health). I put up with this all because I thought I loved him I thought that is what i was supposed to do. He had to go for on the job training, for four months and while he was there i found out he hated cheated on me several times, I was devastated I knew I could never forgive him it would always be in the back of my mind. As he had orders to go to korea, we decided to seperate and end our marriage. While he was in Korea I moved on with my life (see blog about the last year), I feel in my heart that we are no longer together. I found out he had slept with 13 women in the short time we were together including one of my best friends wives. On labor day i agreed that our daughter could stay with his parents for a month to visit, after a week they stopped answering my phone calls and emails. I drove the 1500 miles to pick up my daughter and they took off with her. After a week of hoping and praying the police officer called me and told me that i could pick up my daughter, one of the happiest days of my life!!! After a year of being called names messing with me in ways I can only describe as cruel and unusual, he is back stateside, me wanting to put the past behind me agreed to a civil divorce. This morning he text me at 410 am telling me "oh yeah, u try to screw me over in anyway, i will let the court system know that we are not seperated, Including the fact that the army is putting me in KY. and all the other dirt I have on you" WTH?? let me get this straight I offer to pick u up from the airport (an hour away) let you stay at my house (for a week) use my car (while he is here) and eat my food, and you text me this bullshit??? I am done being nice to him, I am hiring an attorney and I am going after child support and alimony I mean how fucked up in the head do you have to be to be this mean and spitful to someone who is offering their home to you? Ugh men!!!

our wedding day 2009
 

about a year into our marriage
 

My day was..............screw it you decide

I woke up this morning to TWO screaming kids, when only one belongs to me. The one that doesn't I love to death but she has been at my house since Thursday, and her mother keeps making excuses on why she needs a sitter, so my morning was ruined. Although my roommate, Simon (my best friend Mary's husband) volunteered to watch her actually got up with her. I took my little one in the bed with me put on my little pony and went back to sleep woke up with her laughing at me and telling me i was funny ( I love her laugh).  We laid in bed until she fell asleep for her nap. I got up begin my blogs I wrote earlier, wondered where my friend was, found her asleep on my couch with her child asleep on the floor, pet peeve number one. Her child wakes up and starts screaming i lay her on the couch cover her up and she some what calms down, at this point I go back to my writing. Put my headphones on because hello her mom is RIGHT there and continue my business. As i watch in dismay that her child is literally screaming in her ear, she moves to the other side of the couch, um hello that is your child. She is oblivious that i am watching all this occur. Once she realize I am awake she gets up calms her child, who goes back to sleep, and ask to borrow my car. What the hell??? Because I am a nice person and her child is asleep I agree she is gone for three hours needless to say her child woke up and started crying, i calm her down. My little one wakes up and we begin our usual conversation goes like this "well hello there sleepy head" (incoherant babble with an occasional scream for mommy) "whats wrong?" (more screaming) "ok lets see what is wrong" this goes on for about ten minutes the disapates into a sippy or show she wants to watch. made fried cornbread for lunch got ready went to work. Ok for those that don't know I work at a grocery store, there is a hurricane coming towards us quickly approaching, my store happens to be the only one who still has water (mainly because we are closed on Mondays) so needless to say work was busy but on a good note I am working damn near 40 hours this week yay me!!! seeing how i am sure my manager hates me and would NEVER give me more then 20 hours i am alloted lol. literally 5 minutes before i go home my manager catches me looking at my phone (this is a security violation) She informs me that i will recieve a write up for this, ok not like that has never happened before. But this woman brings me my write up on the floor in front of customers.Um no, have some decency then proceeds to get upset because i won't sign it i informed her i will sign it in the cash office where matters like this are supposed to be held. UGH that shit drives me bat shit crazy!! What i really wanted to tell her was she could take that right up and shove it up her ass seeing how she is ALWAYS on her phone and it is NEVER work related. Me being nice and liking my job just sign the fucking thing when i got back to the cash cage. Now I am so ready to be home stop at the local convient store pick me up a six pack of baby budlight and drive home. When i get home my roommate informs me that a Sherrifs officer stopped by looking for me because my soon to be ex husband could not reach me. Well he can't reach me because I am ignoring him, because the last 20 times he has called he has not so much as asked about our daughter just about the stupid cell phone i was supposed to send him. Now i am sitting in front of this computer writing to you guys drinking my bud light eating my taco bell and thinking life is good :) and Marc just made my day even better with his sweet text message.......................

The begining

So its probably best to go over my past, so that everyone knows where i am coming from lol

My Name is Sarah was born in California middle of 1982, when I was just a baby my father went to jail for manslaughter, my mother diligently kept up with the four of us her drug habit and her fondness for my brother and sister. After my father got out of a 1.5 stint in the California prison. He decided to move back home, well between his and my mothers drug habits and them taking such amazing care of us, my grandparents decided that they were not the best of parental figures. Shortly after that my father found out about my mothers fondness for my brother and sister, in his drug induced state he loaded us all up in the car and took off. Not saying anything to anyone drove us four states away, I can remember it was drizzly outside, not quite raining yet but still cloudy and wet. I remember my father turning around and saying something to my oldest brother, Joey (age 4 at the time), being two i have no clue as to what he is saying, I remember looking out the windshield watching them walk away. I remember having to use the bathroom (i don't know why at 2 i was potty trained) Joey walking me out of the van down a green hill and there was a bridge. I remember that we were left with a jar of syrup a bag of apples and a hershey's candy bar. I remember I somehow took the jar of syrup and dumped it all over the van and Joey grabbed the belt and told me "Daddy left me in charge and I am gonna spank you" I don't remember if he did or not, but I do remember I slept in syrup that night. I remember this guy coming to the van, i thought he was a taxi driver because that is what he looked like to me. Later I found out he was a police officer, I remember going to this big building and a nice blonde lady helping me shower and putting clothes on me. Looking back I am sure i was a hot mess syrup apples candy bar same clothes for two or three days, I am sure we smelled and looked horrible lol. After our showers and new clothes we were split up, My bothers Joey and Greg went to one location, my sister Jatie and me went to another, I can remember being scared for my life, I can remember the swing set we got for Christmas or our birthday I can remember going square dancing. I can remember being slapped across the face I can remember being threatened I can remember the feel of my Grandpa's arms around me, the way my grandma smelled when they came to visit. We were there for a year, my grandparents went thru hell to adopt us finalizing it when i was four years old. Growing up with my grandparents raising us was a unique experience, one i wouldn't trade for the world. 

Courtney

 

 

How to describe Courtney, young, immature, pretty, and what I thought was a good person. I met Courtney July 4, 2011 I had went to a mud fest with some friends and my boyfriend (on again off again) Ryan. She was knew a mutual friend Will who told me she was a good girl 17 out on her own, him and his wife had taken her in because she had some problems with her sister who was stationed here. Courtney being from California a long ways away and only knowing her sisters friends I felt sad for her. I have been in that position and it truly sucks. So i befriended her we had hung out a few times, when she calls me asking if she can stay with me because her and will's wife got into an argument and she was no longer welcome there. I told her sure she could come stay with me, if she helped me with the kids or got a job. Shortly after she moved in she went back home to visit for about a month. In October she returned but instead of staying with me she chose to stay with a girl who slept with my husband and was the main cause of our divorce. I was hurt by this but decided to just go with it. About a week after she returned she asked if she could stay with me, of course you can. She moved back in and introduced me to a few of her friends, Ashley, Amanda and Jessica. Over the course of the holidays (Christmas and New Years) my boyfriend, Ryan had went to visit his family in Georgia. Courtney, Dylan, Buck, Mary (my best friend/sister) and myself took a trip to New Orleans, had a blast one of the best trips I have had mainly because my girlfriends were with me. After returning home, Courtney met a guy, Kevin, who was by all means sweet charming nice guy. after she dated him for about a month she found out he was with another women. I know this devastated her she didn't know which way to turn, she took the wrong path. Towards the end of Janurary I suspected that Ryan and her had something going on, one night over at my brother Scott's house it was confirmed. The pain I felt can not be described there was a whole in my chest where my heart used to be there was a pain in my back where the knife landed. I was so hurt and angry I ended it with Ryan and told Courtney she needed to find other living arrangements. After we broke up Ryan actively pursued her, I am not sure which hurt worse a man that said he loved me said he would never hurt me betraying me or the girl i called one of my best friends going after the man i loved. Courtney and mines last conversation I will never forget it hurt so bad, even after everything she did to me I wanted to repair our friendship, her last text to me was (summarized) "I can't be friends with you anymore because you are not a good person I hope you have a great life" Ain't that a kick in the ass she betrays me she uses me she hurts me and she "can't be friends" call me crazy but I was ok with that. Several months have went by the pain has dulled but it is still there every now and then it breaks me down. Especially lately, Courtney left for basic training (army) a few months back she (i don't know the whole story) injured herself and is back here until the injuries heal. I don't know if she is doing it on purpose but it feels she is, I work as a cashier my hours vary my schedule constantly changes from week to week. Last week Courtney and Ashley came into my job, around 530 went to the register behind me (felt like it was to make sure i saw them) then the next day they show up with Ryan, ok I know its been a while but it still hurts, to top it off they walked by my register four or five times. If that wasn't bad enough they send Ryan over to ask where something is located in the store. I know I should be over this but to be perfectly honest i am not I often suspect my friends of double crossing me or betrying me in some way not to mention the boyfriends/special friends who can't deal with my trust issues. I wish I could go back in time and never meet either one of them I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy, the sad thing is I still want everything to be ok between us to be back to happy and I know i can't ever get back there with them, I do wish them well in their lives and wish nothing but the best for them. (apparently there is issues with uploading pics today so I will post more pics later)

 

 

 

Courtney and I trip to New Orleans

Eating in New Orleans

Courtney coming home from New Orleans

 

Marc

How can I describe Marc? Crazy, funny, handsome, and above all else such a gentleman!! I met Marc back in April, he was playing on a pool team that my team played against and he was so cute!! All I could think was this dude has got to be married have a girlfriend or something so I wrote him off, couple months go by we run into each other at a local bar extensive amount of trash talk follows, again i assume he is married or in a relationship, and i again wrote him off. The following Tuesday we are paired up against each other we end up coming to a sudden death in the last game he won..............little secret I let him :) now flash forward to two weeks ago I am at a local bar with some friends and low and behold there is Marc and my friend is trying to introduce me to him as her "single" friend, Marc. I just laugh and walk away, he sees me and drops to his knees trying to propose to me. Had to be the best pick up line EVER lol. After I told him no to marriage he asked about a date I happen to glance down n see a ring he smiled n said wrong handy darling..........duely noted lol i denied him a date but he did talk me out of my phone number, few days later i agreed to a date. Just so happens that Tuesday night he had staff duty, he paid a guy to take over for him for an hour n a half. He showed up at my house not wanting to come in because my two year old was home and he was unsure if he could meet her or not. He waited by my side of the truck held open my door and then  we agreed to go to a local Japanese steakhouse. After he parks he runs around the truck and opens my door , I ask him why he is running he said because i knew you wouldn't let me i laughed so hard because it is so true lol. He held doors for me tried to pull out my chair (me being unaccustomed had my chair pulled out already lol) At dinner we had an amazing discussion, we started joking about what he would say to embarrass me and ended up realizing I am a most excellent shit talker lol. At the end of the date he walked me to my door and kissed me goodnight, a very nice goodnight/first kiss. The next night he takes me to subway and the lake to look at the stars as usual a complete gentleman. He and I have had different schedules up until tonight where he took me out to dinner and had a great time, he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met!! I know this sounds cliche but I really click with him, althought i must admit i have felt similar before and been wrong but tonight I know where my decision lies, with him, i hope it is for the best :)

he had to match my dress lol

I think we make a cute couple lol

catch up on my life

I guess I should start from the beginning of this year give you a recap of the craziness that is my life. The beginning of this year I had a great boyfriend, good friends, and a pretty good life. One of my friends courtney, stayed with me being a little down on her luck, and not having anywhere to go or a job, I being a good friend said sure you can stay with me. The first week of February over at my brother, Scott's house, I found out she had been trying to sleep with my boyfriend, I wasn't the nicest person to either one of them. I told her to get out of my house and take his sorry ass with her. In late March, I started dating Dan he was one of those i don't want to meet any of your friends, family or anyone you know but I want you in my bed. Me being desperate and starved for attention agreed to these terms, we split up after a spur of the moment trip to New Orleans, la, and I found out his fiance was two hours from where we lived, ya great guy.  Then there was Will, lack of better term an old friend that just wanted a piece of ass, then there was Mike, I dated him for a little over a month, he was an absolute and complete D-bag. He often talked of "late abortions" when it came to my kids, often didn't give two shits about anyone including himself. He often told my son that if he was his son he would be missing several teeth. My final straw with him was my son and my friend Ty was pillow fighting in the living room and Ty knocked my son off balance he fell spilling Mikes tea on mike he yelled at my child like my son had spilled acid on him. Then there was Matt, whom at first seemed to be a nice guy. Um highly intelligent, but defiantly had a narcissistic problem, he thought he was the shit. The funny thing is I liked him b/c he was smart, but after dating him for awhile he was really stupid to be so smart. I went to his house after a weekend of him "working" ya there was another females stuff there I got the hint and moved on. Several guys have tried to date me, but I am relocating in two months so I haven't seen the point. I have met some really great people and in this blog I plan on telling you about the day to day life of me, I am an amazing girl trapped in a confused mind. 

January 2012

Courtney and me Jan 2012

May 2012

June 2012

July 2012