Evolving

Its funny how life can change on a dime, I have heard this expression all my life. I have seen it happen to my friends, loved ones, co-workers, and so on. For me life has always changed slowly, evolving over time and changing at a snail’s pace. Although I can’t say that I am complaining I tend to like it this way. Nothing thrown on me all at once things just gradually fade out or in depending on the circumstance. One thing that has always been constant is my belief in God from a young age I accepted God, he exist, he is real I don’t have to see him to know him. This morning my lil bit caught me off guard she said “I don’t hear God” I wanted to have some wise response you know to tell her to show her. I thought about it for a moment and simply said “He talks to us in those still quiet moments” she looked at me seemed to be satisfied but I don’t know if I told her the right thing. I often worry that I will say the wrong thing and completely mess up!! I know this is common, but as I see my children grow not only physically but mentally and spiritually I find myself growing as well. Again slowly changing evolving into the person God wants me to be. I often ask God why it is taking so long. I was contemplating this, this morning and God gave me a resounding answer “If you want this to hurry up you have to face big difficulties” I am not ready for that I think that God knows I can’t handle big difficulties yet! I have friends that are suffering in their life, with addiction, illness, family problems, and much more. I see them relying on everything from God to new age medicine, I look at them and think if my God is so powerful to cover my EVERY need why are they suffering? Then I look at the ones who are relying one hundred percent on God and see they are happy, content with the little miracles that seem to come their way. They seem to let life just roll right on by with all their sorrow and pain I know they have to be facing they will smile. When you ask how they are holding up, they will simply state they are doing great tell you about the small miracle that is holding them until God delivers them. Then I look at my friends who don’t seem to be rooted in their beliefs and see the pain and sorrow written on their face the heartbreak that they go through when today was more than they could stand. Often in times like these I am reminded of an old dear friend of mine Mr. Thane Sandel, he was diagnosed with cancer and went through treatments and remission, it came back and he fought it again it eventually took his life, but I will never forget how HAPPY he was how at peace he was. One could literally see this absolute glow about him. At my young age I didn’t fully comprehend the gravity of the situation, but I fully comprehended his joy. Unfortunately he will never know the impact he had on my life, but it was a strong one nearly 12 years after his death I still remember his joy his conviction his unwavering faith that God would bring him through it. I saw something in him I wanted looking back that might have been God saying hey you can have that too. Slowly but surely I am relying more and more on my God, my faith, my beliefs. I am changing, evolving becoming closer and closer to that unwavering faith. Sometimes God shows me in small things how much I have changed or how much I still need to change. It won’t happen overnight it will happen though. That is one thing I am sure of I will have the faith of a mustard seed I will be able to move mountains overcome obstacles in my path, and carry on with his word tucked safely in my heart.