Mon thru Thursday

So Monday I left Louisiana to start my new life in Florida. I am still mixed about it the longer I am here the more I love it. I still miss La so much it is crazy, I love it here I do, but there is so much I miss from Louisiana. Maybe it is not that maybe it is someone, Adam, he drives me crazy at times I want to slap him and at the same time I want to be wrapped in his arms. I hate that, one I don't know if I could EVER fully trust him, two I don't want this and three I want this. Let's just say saying goodbye was hard, we are talking about me moving back but right now it is on the back burner. Tuesday I slept most of the day because we got in at 6 am that morning. Mary and I were able to unpack most of the kitchen before we were just exhausted and ready for bed. On Wednesday we finally made it out of the house, got lunch at Asian Bistro and oh my it was delicious I had a spicy duck dish and it was amazing!!! Definatly going to eat there again!! The great news was that my job transfer went thru although I am waiting to see when I start they have increased my hours to 32 instead of 20 whoo!!! I also got my bedroom unpacked was able to go over and see my brother, Scottie and his family which always puts me in a good mood :) Went to bed really late last night because I was skyping with Adam. Now for today I slept in late probably b/c I am depressed I want to be in a better mood but the living room is a miss and Mary's stupid husband Simon does nothing all day and I have successfully cleaned the kitchen dining room and foyer. My guess is tomorrow he really is not going to like it when I clean the living room. I figure the playstation and all his white trash looking shit can be put in their room. I am so tired of looking at it!!! This is starting to get into a whole nother rant so I will get off that subject. Anyways yesterday Chris called me (second ex husband, lil bit's dad) he wants lil bit for Christmas I gave in because at least I know she will have a Christmas. Right now I am SLOWLY getting back on my feet and  I know I can't afford to give her the Christmas she deserves. Sometimes I have to sit back and think which is better for her, what hurts is to say I am not it. That is weighing heavy on my mind, then today John (first husband, Thaddeus and Alexandria's dad)  text me and said we needed to "talk about Thaddeus" now he did the same thing last time. In other words he can't handle him and he wants me to take him back, don't get me wrong I love my son and want nothing more then him to be here with me!! BUT I also know how much he wants his Dad to love and accept him and I know first hand how much it kills him when his Dad acts likes this. So my heart is beyond hurting right now and I know everyone is trying to be nice but personally I wish they would all leave me alone.  Adam is getting on my nerves because I don't want him to sit here and apologize I want him just to LISTEN to what is bothering me STOP SAYING I AM SORRY. Gosh just makes me feel terrible and to top off this day I don't want to feel any worse. I feel like I have let my kids down at every turn I can't give them a material Christmas and I feel awful about that I just want them to have a good Christmas!! I know it isn't about the gifts but damn could one Christmas go right??? and then to top it off he still hasn't called me about what he needed to talk about UGH!!! Ex's are EX's for a reason!!! Well that pretty much sums up this week I am going to drink another glass of wine and try and relax. Hope everyone has a great night and a wonderful weekend!!