never knew things were this bad

It is said that the smartest thing Satan ever did was convince the world he didn't exist. I feel that way now like I don't know how to get back to God. I feel so lost and alone. Seven years ago I was a Sunday school teacher I knew I was working for God, I felt him in every area of my life. Now I feel him almost no where and as hard as I try I feel like I am messing up at every turn I don't want to be like this!!! I want to be the perfectly happy person I once was. My son Thaddeus stays with his Dad, just called me and wants to live with me, with some very unusual requirements. One I can only go out once a month, two I have to help him with his homework, three I have to put him first, and four we have to go to church at least once a week. When did my elven year old become a better person then me? Am I not the one who is supposed to show him wrong from right? Am I not the one supposed to be a good example for him? I feel like a complete failure, not only as a parent but as a person. I hope my kids can look back on the last three years and forgive me. People will look at this and say you have done the best you can. In all honesty I haven't, I have been a horrible mom, and it took him telling me this for me to realize. I can't go on treating my kids like this, I have to be a better Mom, he made me promise and I want to be able to live up to his hopes of me. So I pack up move back home I give my son the Mom he deserves because it sure as hell hasn't been the Mom he has had!! Anyone who reads this I am asking that you pray for me, His father and step-mother, his siblings, but above all pray for Thaddeus. he will be an amazing man no thanks to any of us, he has the conviction and bravery of any adult I have ever met. I am proud to be his Mother I hope that one day he will look at me and say I am proud to be her son. The bible says that ".....her children will raise up and call her blessed" (not sure where) that hasn't been me I am going to make a change starting today this moment to be the very best mom I can be. I may not be perfect but I will give it one hundred and ten percent to be as perfect as I can be. If that means losing some people along the way or stepping into unknown ground the so be it. I hope that everyone has a blessed day.